Broken…Do Not Use

photo

Broken, DO NOT use me.
Have you ever feel this way?

I have. 

Healing from brokenness is not fun.

Psalm 34:18…The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Pslam 147:3…He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

band-aid-heart-3-520x200

There was this beautiful lady in church Sunday. Absolutely the sweetest elderly woman I have ever seen.

At the alter call…our pastor asked anyone that needed prayer to please come. Our prayer team was ready and available.

This sweet lady began to make her way to the front. I noticed she was moving slow and limping a bit. She came from the back of the congregation.

I could tell the walk was tiring and that she was in great pain.

I watched her wrestle back and forth…debating whether or not it was worth it to keep walking the walk.
It was such a struggle.

crucify-9

But she was determined and made it with perseverance.
When she reached the front she was met with great disappointment when there was no one available to pray with her.

And I saw her break…as she turned and gave up.

download (1)

But then everything changed. 

A woman in the front row encouraged her to go back up and she turned around tears streaming down her cheeks.

Our pastor saw her and instantly was available to her.
I have never in my life seen such a release of pain as she fell into his arms.

It was one of the most beautiful moments I have ever been privileged to witness. No one knew her prayer need. No one knew the circumstances but we were all praying over her in that moment. Her pain was ours to bear.

images (2)

When she returned to her seat she had peace.
As if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

I felt God tell me that I was supposed to continue pray for her.

Absolutely, God!

I felt Him tell me that I should tell her that I was praying for her.

What?

b1231e97100bcabcb2122269bb240164_Obedience-Rebuild-Your-Spirit-863-430-c

I want you to know that this sort of thing is completely out of my comfort zone!!!!
I thought, “Surely, God is NOT really asking me to do this, right? I don’t even know her”!!

NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THAT!

Our congregation is very big. The end of our services are like a stampede of cattle. A mass exodus! There was no way I was going to catch sight of her.

bc66d85b9fdcc31ebb07ded11ac4cbf4

We walked out. I didn’t see her.
We made it across the courtyard. No sight of her.
We talked about where to go to lunch and by then I’d totally forgot about it and put it out of my mind.

We made it all the way to the car.
I was standing there watching my teens debate about who was sitting where…(I hope I’m not the only one whose children fight over who gets to sit in certain seats)…
when I see something out of the corner of my eye.

THERE SHE IS.

Leafpray

I wrestled back and forth…debating whether or not it was worth it to walk this walk.
It was such a struggle.

And then, casting all cares aside…I decided to

…Trust Him
…Obey Him
…Follow Him

She didn’t know me from Adam, but with much fear and trepidation…I approached her.
“Excuse me, Ma’am”?
“Yes”?
“I just want you to know that I’m praying for you.”

Silence…

“Oh NO”…I thought. “She thinks I’m a crazy person”!!

I had to force myself to look at her because all I really wanted to do was crawl                    in a hole and die!

But, when I met her eyes…I saw tears.

“Thank you”, she said.

…and it was truly one of the most transforming moments of my life.

I realized upon reflection just how applicable her story is to my own walk with Jesus.

Sometimes…it is a struggle.
Sometimes…this walk is downright painful.
Sometimes…it takes great perseverance to follow Him.
But, I am NEVER sorry I made the journey.

It is completely worth it.

Love,
Deborah

Don’t Pull Your Hair Out…(It’ll Leave Bald Spots)…

It is Monday and I definitely feel it.

It’s actually Monday afternoon…and I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  We are wrapping things up with school for the day, finally.
Middle child is still working on his photography assignment for co-op, but as soon as he’s done…I may literally do a cheer.

Why are Mondays so hard?

About 100 times today…I wanted to pull my hair out.

Overwhelmed-by-housework

The kids did not eagerly engage in homeschooling today. Ugh!
I had to give chore reminders more than I should have. Double Ugh!
My 12 year old’s version of good hygiene is not what I’d call average or even adequate. Good grief!

underarm_odor_s

But, then I had to remind myself…deep breaths.

None of this was life threatening or all that important.
They are just normal kids.

breathe

So, why does it feel like a BIG DEAL to me?

Why?
Because I am anxious about a lot right now, (sigh).

why-1

We’ve had doctors appointments and surgery preparations. (We recently found out that our son has a heart condition called SVT that needs to be taken care of.)

Yeah…so I guess it is kind of a big deal, huh?

And…I am behind with…everything, it seems. I don’t like that!
Our normal schedule has been rearranged due to life and…I don’t like that, either!

I am overwhelmed.

Do you ever feel that way?

images (1)

People say that it’s easiest to pray when things aren’t going your way. They say that we cry out to Jesus when we need the most help.

But, you know what?

I think it’s easiest to pray when things are going great! It’s easiest to cry out to Him when I just want to praise and thank Him.

I have a much harder time praying when things aren’t okay.
When it’s bad.
When I need help.

I’m working on that.

download

I just want our son to be okay. I want him to be fine.
But, I take comfort that God already has his story written and that He already knows the outcome.

I also take comfort that Monday is over in a few short hours!
photo

Thank you for praying for our family!

Deborah

 

When the Storm Comes

msi_-_storm_lr

This is a big month for us every year in that both of our boys were born in March.  This year our youngest son turns 12 and our oldest son turns 14.

We have a lot to celebrate and be thankful for in March!!

photo3

The youngest son’s day went without a hitch. He had a great party with all his friends, and had a wonderful time!

The older son’s party was planned, too.  But didn’t happen…which broke my heart.

sunshine2

Two days before his birthday, we got up as usual and went to our homeschool co-op. It was a normal day. We arrived on time.  We gathered, sang and worshiped together. We went to our classes and the day proceeded just fine. During clean-up time, he approached me, clutching his heart, saying that he was having an episode. We’ve had these episodes before. The doctors have always assured us that they are asthma related and nothing to worry about. His dad and I have been arguing for a year with them that it’s not nothing.

This time it was different. Our son was in a bad way.  A really bad way.

He was white as a sheet.  He was on the verge of passing out and crying from the pain. I got him to the car and headed to the nearest hospital.  When we pulled in, he said he couldn’t feel his arms and was having trouble staying conscious.

There was NO PARKING anywhere.  I could not believe it.  I had to pull up and have his sister get him in the ER while I prayed for a parking spot to show up.

Once I got inside the ER, he was losing feeling in his legs. After that, it’s all a blur.

blurry-particles-background

I remember that I started yelling. I remember that they were very condescending as they put him in a wheelchair and got him hooked up to a heart machine like we were making it all up.

Until they saw that his heart rate was 280.

Then all hell broke loose.

Staff came out of the woodwork.  They were lifting him onto a gurney and wheeling him off to a room. We were running to keep up.  They got out the largest syringe I’ve ever seen and shot him with it…twice.

They couldn’t find a vein for the IV so they stuck him 5 different times. Blood was just running down him arm.

A nurse stood by with defibrillator paddles…just in case he went into cardiac arrest. What? My world came crashing to a halt.

Pause 

hands-blurry_00420651

I would like to tell you that I could feel God’s assurance that my son was going to be okay. That I could hear His voice telling me he was going to be fine.
That He was giving me peace in the middle of this storm.

But, it would be a lie. I felt none of those things.

Nothing they did for him was working. I became acutely aware that this was out of my control. There was nothing I could do. The doctor added another medication to the mix and said that I should pray.  I remember nodding. I remember trying to pray, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything. Nothing happened in my spirit. I was completely frozen.  All I could do was ask God to forgive me and tell Him I trusted Him.

Waiting

And…we waited for what seemed like a very long time. In reality, it was probably about an hour.

And…BOOM! The third medication worked. IT WORKED!! He stabilized.

And I swear…time stopped.

hope-boat

I cannot tell you how unconditionally his father and I love this child. We would do ANYTHING for him. We would switch places with him if we could.

But, he was going to be okay, and I wept.

734520_10201003592397698_1331024213_n

He was diagnosed with a heart condition called Supraventricular Tachycardia…SVT. We have already met with the Cardiologist who said that our son will need a procedure to correct the problem.  Apparently, the procedure is done all the time.  It has little to no risk and is out-patient.

We call the Electrophysiologist in the morning.
-Still unsettled and nervous about it.
-Still having trouble talking to God.
-Still trusting Him with all of it, though.

hope

This hope we have, as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure…-Hebrews 6:19

If you think about it…would you pray for us?

In Christ,

Deborah